Charlie the Cat, Benny from Crossroads & Wrestling

I'm in the alleyway at the back of my house standing by Charlie the Cat and the little boy who owns him. Charlie goes, “Meowwwo eough reoww reoww”
The boy says, “Charlie says if you are going to wrestle be sure to wear protective head gear and tell your Mum where you are going.”
Then I'm in a wrestling ring, I think its Nantwich Civil Hall, feeling extremely weedy, dressed in tiny bright red trunks. My opponent appears in front of me, it's Benny from Crossroads. He's dressed in a blue lycra leotard affair and much more muscle-bound than he should be. I notice that he still has his knitted tea cosy hat on as he easily turns me around and puts me into a two armed head lock. God it hurts so much. I start to cry as Benny parades me around the ring like that, encouraging the crowd to bay for my downfall. And he's shouting out into them, “Look at Benny, Miss Dianne...look what your Benny done”.
I know he is going to smash my face into a corner post it's just a matter of when.

Frank Norris, Crewe

(Benny is a character in the soap opera Crossroads)

Mercury Vague : Without you telling me Frank I know you must be a gambler, your dream is full of the symbolism of betting. Charlie the Cat represents good advice, Benny - a chance symbol- usually fortuitous and of course dreaming of wrestling mean a gamble is going to pay off.

Mercury Vague / dream diary #5

I'm aged ten or eleven and I'm a contestant on Screen Test, the quiz show about cinema for kids. I feel incredibly nervous with sweaty palms and a certain feeling that I am going to throw up at any moment. There are three other kids in the studio sitting behind little desks just like me plus the host, Michael Rodd. He looks deadly serious as he introduces the next section of the show.

“And now on screen test we are going to show a clip from the recent Children's Film Foundation movie 'Crossbow'. Pay close attention teams because I will be asking observational questions afterwards”
The film begins and in the film we see a close up of a hand placing a crossbow arrow into a crossbow. Then we see my face on the screen, one eye closed the other squinting as I aim. The film cuts to an image of Keith Chegwin bouncing in and out of the frame. We cut back to an ultra close up of my face, then my fingers squeezing on the trigger, then a close up on Keith's mouth. He's speaking but there is no sound of this on the soundtrack, just the TWANG of the wire as the bolt is fired. Then Keith's twisted mouth.
“OK teams, fingers on buzzers....”

JKs Dream #4: Mark Spitz, Marine Boy & Feather Swimming

JK told me about this dream of his.

I'm a swim jockey. Let me explain. I'm at some sort of international feather swimming event. Let me explain more. It's an Olympic size swimming pool filled to the brim with white downy feathers. I'm in the pool sitting on the chest of Mark Spitz. All the other swim jockeys are doing the same on their swimmers. The gun fires and we are off, Mark does a powerful backstroke as I sit on his stomach and hold onto his shoulders near the neck. We are ploughing ahead through a swimming pool full of feathers, easily in the lead and I am screaming at Mark, "Come on". Then from out of nowhere Marine Boy appears at Mark's feet, he's chewing his magic gum that enables him to swim for a long time under feathers and he his grabbing at Mark's ankles. He's slowing us down more and more, and one by one all the other swimmers pass us by leaving us to finish last.

JK, London

Mercury Vague : Interesting imagery. Dreaming of feather means a positive outcome to a business transaction. Swimming has different meanings depending on whether Mark Spitz was wearing trunks or swimming naked (JK told me he wasn't naked which indicates monetary gain) Marine Boy is symbolic of greed and selfishness; Mark Spitz of power. A clear understanding emerges.

celebrity dreams no:29

Kenny Ball, Bob Langley, Gillian McKeith & Bloating

I'm sitting on my sofa watching Saturday Night at Pebble Mill. The presenter, Bob Langley is talking, “Now, it's time for some music from our resident jazzers, Kenny Ball and his Jazzmen”
The band break into 'Oh When the Saints'. In the dream it's now that I realise that this is no normal performance but rather it's a new interactive, reality, bloody weird type of Pebble Mill and that in some unspecified way one viewer, and one viewer only, is connected to Kenny's trumpet. I feel my stomach bloat a little, then get bigger, soon its doubled in size. Kenny carries on playing the theme. By now I've ballooned up, my arms and legs blubbering out of my clothes in a sort of obese Incredible Hulk way, the skin all over my body is tight as it fights to keep the fat in. Kenny takes the trumpet out of his mouth while the clarinet player solos; I stop expanding, relieved.
It's now that Gillian McKeith enters my living room and starts with her:

”Just look at you, I'll be surprised if you don't die of a heart attack in the next five years. Stick out your tongue. Urrghh!”
On television Kenny puts the trumpet back to his lips and starts to solo. I have a feeling of immense panic, and wake up.

Susan S, Manchester

(Kenny Ball is a trad jazz player, Gillian McKeith is a nutritionist)

Mercury Vague : Party Time! Dreaming of being uncomfortably fat is actually a positive symbol that means you will have lots of positive friendships. Hearing Jazz means that you will purchase some happy experience that you can ill afford. But putting all these together with Kenny Ball (analysts agree on Ball as the ultimate party symbol in dreams) and things are looking good. Gillian McKeith is just a minor irritant, unless she asks to see a faeces sample in the dream.

celebrity dreams no:28

Peter Powell & the Dirty Bomb

I'm an international weapons inspector, a sort of dreamworld Hans Blix, with the most ridiculous handlebar moustache you've ever seen. For some reason I keep twirling it, touching both ends like a stereotypical 1950's cinema villain. I knock on the door of a country house and Peter Powell (the disc jockey) opens the door.
“I've come to inspect your weapons,” I say.
“Please, come in.” Pete is unfazed, ultra-polite and eager to please. He starts showing me around the house as if I were a potential buyer. I'm getting irate, “I need to see what you've got Mr Powell.”
And finally he opens the door to the room. At first it's hard to take in, the enormity of what he's done, what he's hidden away. Inside, the room is full of pop stars of all shape and form. Mainly slung onto loading bays, wrapped in black and yellow tape, with warning signs everywhere:'danger, high explosive', 'detonator', 'radioactive isotopes'. There are Les Gray and Noddy Holder missiles, Rubette cluster bombs, an improvised roadside little Jimmy Osmond with exposed wires, even Bay City Roller grenades. I'm horrified and start playing with my moustache to gain me some time, thinking what to say.
“Come and look at this one,” says Pete excitedly.
He leads me to a corner where there is a coffin shaped box. Inside is a Rod Stewart dirty nuclear device; he's sporting tartan kecks, open necked shirt, feather cut.
“I could make half of London uninhabitable for decades with this one.”
“You shouldn't have it,” I say, weakly.

Martin F, Brighton

(Peter Powell is a radio disc jockey)

Mercury Vague : Exploding bombs in dreams often refer to moving location/ moving houses and with the strong Scottish element I believe this means a move North. Be careful though because Rod Stewart in dreams is thought to be symbolic of decay, maybe dry rot.

celebrity dreams no:27

Mercury Vague analyses your dreams

...well, yes I do, but I must repeat that I don't want you to send me dreams of a sexual nature to analyse. Yes, I am talking to you Mr S Shaw of Wimbledon and your dream of Roy Castle trying to set a new world record by performing all 64 arts of the Karma Sutra in under 20 minutes.
Remember, keep it clean.

Mercury Vague / dream diary #4

I'm in the television studio, not the one where JK shoots his show this is a different one. As I look around me I realise I’m on the set of the Golden Shot. Bob Monkhouse is hosting, talking to camera, raising one eyebrow as he delivers a killer joke. While the audience is still laughing he turns to me, “Mercury! Mercury, Mercury, Mercury let ‘s see if you are a quicksilver shooter as your name suggests.” He does that Monkhouse smile.
“Mercury, you have one minute to hit the red target….Bernie…the bolt”
Bernie loads the five inch steel bolt and backs away.
And then I’m looking down the site of the crossbow. To start with I can’t see anything, just whiteness, I think there’s been a mistake. Then I see. Cheggers. He’s recording Cheggers Plays Pop in the same studio. He’s dressed in some sort of lime-green all in one shell suit and he’s bouncing up and down as he speaks into the microphone. On his forehead is stuck a tiny red circle of paper. “And this week on Cheggers Plays Pop we have music from Toyah and…”
“Stop f***ing bouncing” I’m thinking. I’m trying to get the cross hair to line up on his forehead and all he’s doing is leaping up and down. I can hear the clock ticking and Bob Monkhouse in the background is saying, take your time you’ve still got twenty seconds left. I squeeze the trigger.

Nicky Campbell, Jim Bowen and the Midgets

I'm a contestant on the game show Wheel of Fortune. Nicky Campbell is hosting and is chatting to me, asking me about my hobbies.
“So tell me about potholing, Keith”
I don't know anything about the subject, I try to mumble something, but nothing is coming out. Nicky is getting cross now, “Just spin the wheel Keith. Spin the f***ing wheel” I spin it and realise that on every alternate section there is a midget tied down to the wheel. In my dream I switch to seeing the wheel from above. Seeing it spinning rapidly, making that clicking noise, the midgets looking glum. I now hear Jim Bowen's (Bullseye) voice saying,
“Stay in the black and out of the red, you get nowt in this game for two in a bed”. I have three darts in my hand and I start to throw them down onto the wheel of midgets.

Keith L, Aberdeen

(Nicky Campbell is a radio/television presenter, Jim Bowen host Bullseye)

Mercury Vague : Darts represent ambition, whilst little people, especially dwarves mean a difficult problem you have will be overcome as if by magic…unless the midgets had over sized heads and hands. If so then your future is overshadowed by an extremely menacing figure. This could be the case as Nicky Campbell in dreams is a figure of illness and disease usually of the gut. Jim Bowen is a benign figure.

celebrity dreams no:26

Mercury Vague / dream diary #3

I'm outside a room and fixed to the door is a sign that reads, 'the man with the plan'. I enter the room and Magnus Pyke stands behind a desk laden with guns, knives, crossbows, weapons of all shapes and sizes.
“Come in, come in,” he waves me in, “Now, Mercury, look at this little beauty.” He picks up and puts on a vicious looking knuckleduster. “Did you know,” Magnus is raising his voice, a wild look in his eyes, “That the humble knuckle duster was invented by the ancient Romans?”
“I, er...”
In the dream I'm really struggling to speak.“I need to kill someone, Magnus, but I, er, I need it to look like an accident.”
“Accident? Oh, I see, now did you know that 43% of all accidents in the home resulting in death are from falls?”
”Don’t ask me?” I mumble.
He scribbles an address on an envelope, picks up some Bruce Lee nun chukkas and starts flailing his arms around his head once more, the sticks becoming nothing but a deadly blur.

My eyes zoom in on the envelope. Closer and closer. The address of a television studio near the Thames. My eyes crash-zooming in. I feel myself falling. There is nothing at all beneath my feet.

JK's Dream #3: Norris and Ross McWhirter & Weightlifting

This was one of JK’s most vivid recurring dreams.

I’m in the television studios, only it’s not my show it’s the shoot for Record Breakers. I’m dressed only in weightlifting trunks and boots, my body is pumped up and oiled and I’m feeling quite aggressive. Standing either side of me as I look at the cameras are Ross and Norris McWhirter. They face each other and are attached by a steel weightlifting pole that is somehow fixed to them in the middle of their chests. ”JK is now going to make his third world record attempt,” says Ross, “Remember JK you must lock out your elbows on every lift.”
Norris holds a clipboard and stopwatch but says nothing. I grasp the pole, snort air out of my nostrils and lift the twins for the first time.
“One.” Says Ross. The dream carries on as I repeatedly lift Ross and Norris on the pole and Ross carries on counting. It’s a great effort to do this but I never seem to tire.

JK, London

(Norris and Ross McWhirter wrote the Guiness Book of World Records)

Mercury Vague : Ross and Norris, Ying and Yang, Happy and Sad, Good Cop Bad Cop. Rather than analyse JK's dream in a conventional fashion I just told him that it brought to mind two famous quotes about 'weight':

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life; That word is love" Sophocles (496-406 BC)

"Getting my lifelong weight struggle under control has come from a process of treating myself as well as I treat others in every way" Oprah Winfrey (1954- )

celebrity dream no 25

the Diddy Men, Duncan Goodhew & the Detective

I’m a hardboiled film noir detective dressed in my raincoat, wide-brimmed hat, constantly smoking. I’m backstage at a theatre in the dressing room of the Ken Dodd’s Diddymen. They are all knee height and they are all talking at once. I’m trying to make sense of them, get them to talk one at a time or just shut up.
“You’ve got to help us,” says Dickie Mint, “I mean, you should have seen him, his throat cut from ear to ear”
He’s referring to Hamish McDiddy who had his throat slit the previous night. They all start talking at once again.
“Is there anyone who has a grudge against you?”
Mick The Marmalizer pushes his way to the front of the group.
“I think I knows who done it, big man,” he says, “Duncan Goodhew”.
Then, I’ve tracked Duncan down to an indoor swimming pool. I walk round and round the edge, but he won’t come out. Just continues swimming up and down, length after length after length. In the dream I fantasise about getting my gun out and shooting him as he swims. I can see the water clouding red and his hairless body bobbing just under the surface like some sort of clubbed seal.

S Baring, London

(The Diddymen are Ken Dodds backing group, Duncan Goodhew is a swimmer)

Mercury Vague : A delightful dream with a clear reading. Seeing yourself as a detective indicates personal troubles ahead. Bald men, like Duncan Goodhew, are usually indicative of swindlers and chiselers. DiddyMen mean complicated problems are magically solved.

celebrity dreams no:24

Mercury Vague / dream diary #2

I'm at Maggie's house.
“Where's Keith?”
“At the studios,filming”
“Cheggers Plays Pop?”
“Yes”
In the dream I am in some sort of straight jacket, my arms wrapped around my chest in a permanent hug. Maggie is standing so very close.
“I want it to be just me and you, Mercury”
“You're going to divorce Keith?”
Maggie laughs, pulls her head back and laughs hard.
“Do you know how much he's worth?”
“He'd have to pay you some.” Somehow, with my hands still tied, I struggle to get a cigarette into my mouth. I don't smoke. Maggie lights it.
“I don't want some, Mercury.”
Maggie leans in close, I'm thinking, 'Oh god', then on the end of her right hand I notice she has a glove puppet. It's Lambchop; Shari Lewis's Lambchop. Maggie is making its mouth open and close and saying in a high pitched voice, “I want it to be just me and you, Mercury.”
She smashes her gloved fist into my mouth and nose. A taste of blood and cotton on my lips. I can see Lambchop, it's face red with my blood. Maggie smiles, making Lambchop's mouth open and close, soundless words, then she hammers her socked fist into my face. Over and over.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo & the Class A Drugs

I'm in this dark alleyway, not quite sure what I'm doing there, when this shadowy figure jumps out. It's so dark I can't see any features on the person. He says, “You buying, chk-chk?, What do you want, chk-chk?”
It's now, as my eyes get accustomed to the gloom, that I see it's Skippy the Bush Kangaroo, and he's trying to sell me drugs.“I got skunk, coke, cathinone, desomorphine, hydrocodone and proheptazine.” says Skippy in his thick Australian accent. “What's it going to be, chk-chk?”
Skippy has this mean look on his face, I'm worried he's going to pull a weapon on me. I hear myself saying, “Just a cream cake please, Skippy”
Skippy reaches into his pouch and his paw comes out holding a knife.
“Are you taking the piss, chk-chk?”

Mark Peters, Liverpool

(Skippy the Bush Kangaroo is an antipodean animal actor)

Mercury Vague : A kangaroo means travel by aeroplane. A knife in a dream is a bad sign indicating grief in the future. Skippy usually is a sign of carefree happiness but this reading must be balanced by the extremely bad combination of symbols that is a knife wielding kangaroo. My advice to you would be to not travel by plane.

celebrity dreams no:23

JK's Dream #2: Frank Bough & the Lurpak

JK rings me up early one morning, desperate to tell me about his dream before it fades.

I'm in my garden when I come across this giant mushroom or toadstool. It's about six foot across and sprawled along the top of it is Frank Bough. He's wearing an orange open necked shirt, with a cravat and perma-crease light brown slacks. “Hello, JK,” he says, “Welcome to Breakfast Time.”
He then turns his head as if he's talking to a camera and says,”JK's got a new show starting soon where he tries to solve peoples' problems live on air, and very good it looks too. “ He turns back to face me,”Would you like some butter on your toast?”
And with that he suddenly has a whole block of Lurpak butter in his hand, he's opened up his shirt and has started rubbing it into his armpits, as if it was a deodorant stick. After about a minute of this he then starts spreading it thickly onto some toast for me. I know, in the dream, that Frank is going to make me eat this. He giving me this filthy look as he butters that toast. He's going to make me eat the toast.

JK, London

(Frank Bough is a television presenter of news shows)

Mercury Vague : To eat butter in dreams means you are going to have a stable financial future. Frank Bough, a much misunderstood figure in dreams, is often interpreted as being an indicator of concealment, either of emotions or of physical items. So, this dream could mean that you will have a bright monetary time ahead if you only conceal your true feelings.
celebrity dreams no:23

Mercury Vague / dream diary #1

I'm backstage in the dressing room corridor. I know that Maggie Philbin and Keith Chegwin are in one of the rooms. Then I see a door open, Keith storms out followed by the thud of something heavy hitting the inside of it. He walks straight past me not noticing me hovering with my back against the ceiling. I float into Maggie's room. She's in floods of tears. “He's threatening to divorce me”
I stand in front of her.
“Bastard!”
“Maggie,” I manage to get out, “I love you.”
“Do you know how much he's worth dead, Mercury?” She holds my wrists. I look down at her hands and notice how small they seem on my wrists.
Then I'm this rocket speeding through the clouds, the ground a patchwork beneath me, my arms pinned to my side, wind buffetting my head. I look to my left and there's Maggie flying too. We cross paths, like the Red Arrows, just missing each other, coloured smoke trailing out of our feet. I know that there are crowds on the ground squinting into the light and trying to catch a glimpse of us. I know everything is going to be OK.

Windsor Davies, Don Estelle and the Matchstick Fight

I need to light a cigarette but the matchbox, which I know had some matches in, is empty. Maybe, I'm thinking to myself they've fallen onto the floor somehow. I begin crawling around the carpet, looking under dropped clothes, my room suddenly unbelievably messy and disorganised. I turn over a cardboard box and that's when I see them. The little people. There's a dozen or so tiny little fuckers about two inches tall underneath the box. And they have my matches. Two of them I recognise as Windsor Davies and Don Estelle from It 'Aint Half Hot Mum. They are stripped to the waist but still wearing their head gear and they are holding a matchstick each, like a club, trying to hit each other in the head. The rest stand around in a circle cheering, encouraging them on. The fight goes on, getting bloodier, Windsor is getting badly beaten now. He's hardly even defending himself anymore as Don lands a vicious whack to the side of his ear. The crowd erupt into cheers. I put the box back into place, covering them up.

Viv Whiteside, Cheltenham

(Windsor Davies & Don Estelle are characters in the comedy It 'Aint Half Hot Mum')

Mercury Vague: Some good signs here: seeing other people fighting means that you will have happiness in your 'speciality', striking matches are a symbol of coming love. Windsor Davies and Don Estelle in dreams (both love symbols) are often interpreted as a sign of 'kissing' some interpreters go as far to suggest 'copulation'.

celebrity dreams no:22

Cliff Thorburn & the Trick Shots

I'm at the Snooker World Championships in the Crucible Theater. That's all well and good, but in my dream I am tied down on my back on top of the snooker table. There are leather straps that go around my ankles and wrists and are then these are tied to the corner pockets. There is a large crowd sitting in the seats, all looking down on me. I keep switching viewpoints between being on the table, staring up into the lights and being an audience member looking down at my own body. Suddenly everyone is up on their feet cheering as Cliff Thorburn walks into the arena and starts to give a demonstration of trick shots. He's jumping balls over my body and into pockets. He plays a shot off my stomach, nose and then forehead. The audience goes wild with applause, they seem almost like feral animals, baying at Cliff's tricks. Then the highlight of Cliff's show; he fires the black ball with as much force as he can muster up my trouser leg. The pain in my groin as the ball hits is indescribable. I raise my head off the table, looking down at Cliff and he looks as cool as you like. He's lining up another ball to fire.

Pete Sandell, Leeds

(Cliff Thorburn is a canadian snooker player)

Mercury Vague : Dreams of restraint indicate subconscious fears, usually about a lack of control or control being taken away. Cliff Thorburn, a common celebrity in dreams, although seemingly mild mannered, is an aggressive, uncontrolled symbol. This dream reveals your fears of being controlled by more aggressive people, of wanting to break away from being a meek follower.

celebrity dreams no:21

Simon Cowell & the Art Gallery

I start the dream with this overwhelming thoughts of confidence. There is this almost zero-gravity bounce in my step as I walk around knowing that everyone loves me. A great feeling.
Then a bizarre set of events happen. First I am at some sort of upmarket party in an art gallery, surrounded by people and chatting. I start talking to this glamorous woman opposite me when mini-Simon Cowell pops his head out of my blouse pocket and starts talking to her as well. Only, he's criticising her, saying she will never make it as an art critic. He's saying things like, “I mean just look at you. You look like Lilly Savage crossed with a hairbrush. I'm sorry, it's a no.” She walks away in tears as I push mini-Simon (who is only about seven inches tall) back down into my blouse pocket. I can feel him wriggling about in there next to my skin.
Then the people at the party begin eating the delicate looking food from the finger buffet and I find myself talking to the chef. I'm halfway through a mouthful of this gruesome looking pork pie when Simon pops his head up again and starts having a go at him too.
“Do you seriously expect me to eat this rubbish?” he asks him. I feel mortified. And in the dream I have a thought that what I should do is take Simon out, hold him by the legs like a baton and dash his brains out against the gallery wall.


Mrs E Smith. Crewe

(Simon Cowell is a panel member on The X factor)

Mercury Vague : What first appears to be a simple dream of public embarrassment has a very different interpretation. Pork is usually taken to mean that a new job with many more opportunities lies just ahead of you. But take care because Pastry symbolises a missed appointment - ah, the conflicting dream symbolism created by a humble pork pie. Dreaming of Simon Cowell suggest the opportunity will be in the arts as he is a recognised symbol of artistic excellence.

celebrity dreams no:20

Derek Batey & the Job Interview

I'm having a panic dream about a job interview I've got the next day. In the dream I'm rushing, bolting down my breakfast then running for the bus. I just catch it in time but instead of asking me for my money the bus driver instead starts to ask me slow winding questions. In the dream it is now that I realise that the driver is Derek Batey, from the Mr & Mrs quiz show. And he's saying to me,”If you wanted to have a piece of fruit for a snack, or maybe you would have a piece for desert, did your wife say that, A. You'd quite like an orange? Or did she say B. He likes an apple? Or did she say that you weren't really bothered, you didn't like fruit?”
Derek smiles at me and I'm split between being terrified of being late for the interview and thinking about my favourite fruit. He starts to slowly repeat the question.
“I'm not really bothered,” I snap back at Derek, “I don't really like fruit.”
All the passengers on the bus begin clapping. As I look around at them I can see my wife on the back seat, nervously smoking a cigarette which she cups in her hand so as to avoid being spotted by bus driver Derek.

M. Wolverston, West Bromwich

(Derek Batey presented the popular quiz show for married couples, Mr & Mrs)

Mercury Vague : Travelling by bus indicates troubling times ahead especially if you are employed in stenographic work. Derek Batey is associated with control and being dominated by a stronger force. This dream as well as being a typical worry dream about a forthcoming event is also a warning about being controlled by persons above yourself

celebrity dreams no:19

Johnny Morris & the Foul Mouthed Squirrel

I’m Johnny Morris. I’m looking through his eyes as I talk to the camera and then I keep switching to seeing him/me from outside. I’m dressed in his Bristol Zoo Keeper’s outfit, peaked cap with ‘keeper’ in silver letters, the works. And I’m doing all his voices like there’s no tomorrow, I can’t stop them. I’m saying things like, “And Gerry the Giraffe is having a hard time.”
“Yes,” says Gerry, “You see, my house is just too small. I keep banging my head on the roof. Oh dear, oh deary me”.
Now I’m doing a piece to camera again with a squirrel on my shoulder. He’s nervously chewing at a nut. “And what’s your name,” I say.
"F***k off, mother******,” he says.
Oh god, I’m thinking, He can’t say things like that on kids television.
“Mind your language, Cyril,” I say.
“F*** off”

N Pearlman, Wigan

(Johnny Morris was a television presenter on Animal Magic)

Mercury Vague : A dream on a common theme of uncontrollable public embarrassment. Squirrels often mean future problems due to unpaid bills. Johnny Morris in dreams is a gentle figure often symbolizing hiding from one’s responsibilities. The dream is about feelings you have of finances spinning out of control and your tendency to wash your hands of them.

celebrity dreams no:18

Mercury Vague - diary entry #3

Mercury Vague~ dream diary: I'm in the studio and we are shooting a show called “She beats me up, but I can't leave her”. JK is sitting on the stage floor in front of a couple sitting on the sofa. I am in the wings watching (I'm not in this part of the show). I see that the sofa couple is actually Maggie Philbin and Keith Chegwin. JK is talking, “How do you feel when she hits you Keith? Do you not fight back? Are you not a man? And you Maggie, just shut up when I’m talking love…give me a minute…”
Keith begins crying, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “I just love her so much, “ he blubs.
In dreamland I float to the front row of seats, I'm transfixed by Maggie, her beauty, it's like there is a light that is pouring out of her. I know I am in love with her. I lift off from my seat and float through the air so that my face is inches from hers; I can smell her. “He gets what he deserves.” she spits.

Cyril Fletcher, Raquel Welsh and the Pot of Jam

I'm making my breakfast; cereal, toast with jam, when I notice the jam bubbling strangely. As I look closer I feel my self being drawn into the jam pot. Somehow I've been made tiny and I'm inside the jam pot sliding down a raspberry slope, becoming covered in the stuff. In the dream I wonder if that now I am so small I will be injected into someone's body like in the film Fantastic Voyage with Raquel Welsh. But instead of that happening I am suddenly plucked from the jam and stand, naked and raspberry-ish in front of Cyril Fletcher. He's sitting in a high backed leather arm chair dressed not in his usual dinner jacket but in the same style of tight fitting all-in-one suit Raquel wears in the film. He says, “And finally, Mr. Stone in Edinburgh was surprised to see that his local Chinese restaurant are offering an interesting new dish.”

Cyril's tongue now darts out, all five or six feet of it, like the tongue of some sort of lizard. I stick to it and am rapidly pulled into his mouth.

Simon Stone, Edinburgh

(Cyril Fletcher was a television presenter on That's Life)

Mercury Vague : Cyril Fletcher is a rare dream figure representing reptilian cordiality. Often jam appears in dreams as a symbol of social interaction. Your dream reads as your brain's conditioning response to worries about forthcoming social events or parties – with the inclusion of Raquel Welsh as an obvious sexual reference.

celebrity dreams no:17